I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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