Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The best revenge is premature balding
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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