why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
