So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
