Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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