I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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