Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
