last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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