I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize