My first STD was from a foam party
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
