did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
