She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
