if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize