well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
