There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
