Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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