Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
