This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
