i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
