I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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