If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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