Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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