I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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