I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize