Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
