i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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