I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
