this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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