Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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