Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
