but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
