Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
