yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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