Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
