youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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