im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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