I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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