It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
