I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
