I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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