There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need moral support for this bender
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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