if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do vagina's smell?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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