I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
