I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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