fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
