ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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