did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
