any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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