She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
