He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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