Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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