Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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