Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
