Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
