Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You are the jesus of drinking
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
