I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
