I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
