i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
