Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
