I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
