Ambien. No doubt about it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
