Swine flu. Run for my life!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
