I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
