I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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