Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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