5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
