I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
