There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
