Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
