I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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