His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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