I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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