I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
