If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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