he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
